Raging Menace of “Routes”

The ones who know English but are not familiar with the situation in Pakistan will never ever be able to come up with the definition of this word “route” that is currently being used all around the country (and especially Rawalpindi and Islamabad).

“Route” is basically the hold up of traffic. The conditions that turn the hold up into a “route” are as follows. It is initiated by the police as well as the military police personnel. It can also be initiated by police of any other military discipline too. The traffic must consist of the vehicles of commoners. To qualify as a commoner, the following traits are required:

• One does not belong to the Army.
• One is not any kind of minister of the ruling party of the country.

Note: There could be a few more traits but can’t think of any right now.

So there you have it; the perfect setup for the hold up. Any time a non-commoner (be very clear that this is NOT you) wants to commute, the rest of the traffic commotion is brought to a halt.

To actually put this into action (by obviously killing the rest of the action) several methods can be used. The police personnel can come in the middle of the road and stop all traffic with a wave of their hands. Or they could block the road altogether with police vans and/or bikes. For extreme measures, huge crates and even trucks may also be used as road blocks.

Once this is done everybody waits for the royal carriage to arrive, carrying his and her highnesses. The “carriage” will generally be a state-of-the-art car with tinted glasses and bearing a flag of some kind. It could also have some stars as well but that is only if the royals belong to the Army.

The hold up may last from minutes up to hours. It starts with a little jumble of cars, getting in line one after the other with some cars trying to squeeze their way in through the small gaps in between other cars (which is very annoying). The longer the hold up lasts, the bigger the vehicle mess gets. When the hold up is finally over, the vehicles rush forward, just like gushing water coming out of a broken dam. That gushing water usually causes floods as it breaks out of the defined banks. This congregation of vehicles, on the other hand, causes everything to choke as it already exists in every nook and corner within and outside the defined boundary of the banks (read roads).

Traffic of all roads literally comes face to face once the road blocks are removed. It then takes a lot of patience (not to mention time) to get the entangled vehicles released and let loose on the roads. All this while, from the start of the “route” till the time one’s vehicle is freed from the clutches of the traffic jam, one tends to “curse” (and a LOT). Road rage rises to unexpected levels. Barrels and barrels of fuel get burnt during the idling activity. Horns are honked and voices are raised. All of this presents a scene as if hell was let loose. Just as one gets out of this mess, ones comes to peace with the rest of the surroundings. All kind of noise dramatically changes to serenity and tranquility.

I wonder when will we get rid of this menace of “routes” that will allow us to drive in a serene and tranquil way on regular basis. I guess I already know the answer. It is “probably never”. And with this answer I pray that may Allah help us all “commoners”. Ameen.